It was not the prettiest game of the season, but the good thing was that the Old Boys came away with a win, and plus the fact that the opposition were stopped from scoring. One spectator of our game summed it up by saying bloody glad that I haven got a season ticket for the Old Boys after watching that game!!!!!- he was not far wrong because at times, the skill level from both sides was not that high, but as we all know - a win is a win!!

Proir to kick-off, the wind was howling straight down the pitch, and unfortunately, Luke Saunders (as captain) lost the toss, and Swifts made us play downhill with the wind. This basically meant the Old Boys had to rack up as many points as possible in the first half to secure a decent lead. It was the second teams first game of the season at the Thunderdome and we were treated to the fact that we had a female exchange referee from the United States who was looking to make her mark. The team went for a warm-up before the kick-off which resulted in an injury to second row Ainsley (who thinks he is a studmuffin but quite clearly is not!!!!) when he was slammed in the kidney wiper area (the bollocks!!!!) by a rugby ball. This was a minor crisis which was quickly followed by Jamie Raines failing to turn up. Luckily, his place in the centres was taken by Stuart 'my bitch of a girlfriend cheated on me, but I actually cheated on her first - but its still her fault' Arscott . Within the first few minutes, it was Swifts who came out of the blocks quickest, and pinned the Old Boys down in their own half, and they couldn't string any phases of play together, and the fly half proving a thorn in ourside with his useful boot.

However, it became quite clear who the dominant team was and the Old Boys forwards began to assert their authority, once again in the tight. This allowed the backs to start to play and fly-half 'Donks' started to play some good rugby, getting his backs into play. The problem was that there was too many chiefs and not enough Indians and the bitching amongst the players was reaching girly level!! This stopped the Old Boys from producing any decent rugby, but once this was sorted out, this allowed everyone to play. They then statred to dominate field position and territory and the backs, particularly Carl 'Girlie Gloves' Hanley and Pete 'Smooth Dude' King showed their quality. The Old Boys pinned Swifts down in their 22 for a few minutes, when Studmuffin made a great break friom a ruck, drew a man, fed it out to 'Brain of Britain' Craddock who drew his man who passed it to the ever youthful Moooootay who sprinted for the line and crossed over in the corner. Once again, the Craddock/Mutty axis was in full effect, as they form a formidable partnership - a bit like peaches and cream, Pepsi and Shirlie (from Wham you idiots!!!!!), Crockett and Tubbs, Laurel and Hardy, Posh and Becks (or is it Rebecca Loos - we just don't know!!!). The conversion was missed and as half time beckoned, 5 - 0 might not have ben enough.

By this point, 2 things became evident. The referee kept getting her mind mixed up with giving penalty decisions and Dale 'Yellow card' Pearson spent most of his time lying down on the ground - he looked like he spent most of his time asleep as he seemed to do nothing else - it was like as if he was getting ready for a nightshift - which incidentally is his new nickname!! The referee looked like she was dancing to Saturday Night Fever with the way she was waving her arms about when she couldn't work out which side she wanted to give the penalty to!!!!

The second half was better for the Old Boys as they seemed to revel in the difficult conditions - with their backs against the wall, they seemed to play better. Swifts were kept well at bay, and the only time they seemed to come out of their half was from the ball being booted downfield. During the game, it was revealed that 2 girls had actually come to watch Ainsley which was a bleeding waste of time cos he was shit!!!! The forwards were excellent and the backs put together some good moves, with some lovely interpassing, with Mutty showing a turn of power as well as pace as he bounced 2 Bedford Swifts players in succession, watched by the massive crowd of about 4!!!! One of these players was then to suffer a similar fate minutes later, as he took the b all at pace only to be tackled by 'Nightshift' in a serious way, which knocked him unconscious and was then known as 'Unconscious Dave'. With 20 minutes to go, Old boys attacked once more and a wonderful chip and chase by 'Studmuffin' Saunders resulted in another try which was converted by Martin 'Cigar Puffin Bald Eagle' Snow. There was no way back for Swifts, but in truth, the Old Boys should have won by a greater margin, but at least they won and bring it on for next week!!!!

In this age of professionalism, a number of positions have become available on the Old Boys coaching staff, but some candidates have already come forward. If you wish to apply, please speak to Mutty, and he will process your application.

Skills Coach - Dale 'Nightshift' Pearson.

Tackling Defensive Coach - Richard Armitage

Dietician - Ashley 'I still look like a fat Beppe di Marco' Fenn.

Bodybuilding/Conditioning Coach - Luke Saunders.

Girly Gloves/Accesories Coach - Carl Handley.

Personality Coach - Bob Bing/Andy Hayes

Choo Choo Train Coach - Mutty.

Penis Extension Coach - Craddock

Porno Coach - Nathan Swayne

Financial Coach - Sean Helston

Junior Coach - Jez Armitage

How not to pass the f***ing ball Coach - James Hinde

How to punch People coach - Andy 'Cheap Shot' Wetherill

Chicken Legs Coach - Jamie Bell/Skins

Builders Bum Coach - Chris Hall

Weightwatchers Coach - Danny Saunders

The OGs thirds went away to Bedford Swifts, the opposition only had 9 players so the OGs gave them 3 to make a twelve aside game. The OGs came out 29-39 winners, scoring 7 trys. Tim Yorke led the way with a hatrick closely followed by Shaun Elston with a brace. The other two coming from prop forward Robert Bing and debutant Steven Roach. Ivan Williams added two conversions. Pete Moore is also worthy of a mention as he played for Swifts and had an outstanding game at fly-half, scoring a brace of tries himself.